My Loperblog

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I was dealt an unfortunate lot in life. A most unfortunate lot. For you see, I was born paralyzed, completely paralyzed. It is not just my limbs that are numb and immobile, not just the parts below my neck either. No, my entire body came into this world paralyzed! I can't even move my head, not leftward nor rightward, not forward nor backward, not even nodward. Worse yet, I can't move either of my eyes, not even crossward! Oh my, what a dreadful lot I was dealt in life...

And yet, I was lucky in other ways. Oh so lucky. For I was blessed early in life to have been visited by a Loperblog. What's a Loperblog, you might ask? Well, I'll get to that soon, be patient. Anyway, this Loperblog found me not long after my mother ejected me from her womb (perhaps even before!). And kindness of kindnesses, it's been around ever since, with no sign that it will leave any time soon. I don't want to wear the poor thing out, so I let it stop for a while everyday to rest. After all, I wouldn't want it to die of exhaustion; that is, if Loperblogs die at all. I wouldn't know.

So what does this Loperblog do that makes me so fortunate for one having found me early on and stuck with me? I'll tell you what it does - it moves me. That's right, it moves me. Like I said, I was born paralyzed, so I certainly can't move myself. But this Loperblog, for whatever reason, kindly moves me around for me. If I want to get from my bedroom to the kitchen, it'll move me down to the kitchen. If I want to get from my home to the park, it will move me between the two. And if I want to get up on a swing and ride back and forth, it will put me up on a swing and push me. This gentle beast unfalteringly gives of itself, carrying out my every movement-whim to the best of its abilities. If it weren't for my Loperblog, I would have spent my whole life up till now sitting in the same bed, looking at the same spot on the same ceiling, and what a dreadful life that would have been. So every day, I thank fate for bringing me a Loperblog.

But getting back to business, you probably want to know what a Loperblog is, and why shouldn't you? I would certainly want to know what a Loperblog was, were I in your position. So I shall do my best to explain it to you; but you will have to bear with me, for Loperblogs are unusual creatures, which makes them hard to describe.

First off, I don't know what color Loperblogs are. Maybe they are all different colors - some red, some blue and some striped from head to toe with a rainbow. I don't know though, because Loperblogs are invisible. You heard me, invisible! They can't be seen by human eyes, or any other eyes I know of. I don't know if it's magic, or some fancy biological technology, or if they're just born without any color at all! Whatever the case, they can't be seen. Hmmm, what else...Ah yes! They don't take up much space, that's for sure. My Loperblog has taken me through thick crowds and thin passages without ever bumping into another person or a wall. At first I thought it was above me, carrying me below it. But I was proven wrong last March when my Loperblog pulled me into and around an old cellar with a ceiling not even an inch higher than my head, all the while avoiding a bump of its own. I'm not even sure what shape Loperblogs come in, or if they all come in different shapes. I like to think my Loperblog is thin and stretchy, like a rubberband all around. That would explain how it can pull me through all sorts of different places without getting itself stuck in the lack of extra room.

Don't get me wrong though. Thin or not, Loperblogs are strong. They'd have to be to move a whole person like me around. Sometimes, for fun, I ask my Loperblog to pull me up in the air and twirl me about. Up it pulls me, and spin I do, around and around until it puts me back down (for even Loperblogs get tired).

Oh yeah, and another thing - Loperblogs can't talk. Or maybe they just choose not to. I suppose I'll never know, unless one day my Loperblog suddenly talks to me. But regardless of this, they are excellent listeners. My Loperblog has never ignored me when I asked it to move me, even just a little bit. It stays by my side when I eat, when I shower, and I think even when I sleep (at least, it always seems to be there when I wake up), and whenever I ask it to move me, it does.

Oh yeah, I suppose I should explain something. I told you my whole body was paralyzed, and you might be wondering how I could ask my Loperblog to move me here or there without moving my mouth. I certainly can't have my Loperblog move my mouth in order to ask it to move other parts of me, for how would it know when and how to move my mouth in the first place? Thankfully though, Loperblogs don't hear like we do. They probably don't even have ears, as strange as it may seem to think of a Loperblog without ears. You see, they hear directly from my mind - they're mind-readers. I simply have to think where I want to be moved to, and my Loperblog hears me and obliges. And if I want to say something with my mouth, I just have to think the thought, and my Loperblog gladly flaps my lips to and fro. So thanks to my Loperblog, I can produce normal sounds and interact verbally with other people despite my disability. In fact, thanks to my kindly Loperblog, I'm able to live a normal, healthy life, and do anything ordinary people can do. Aren't Loperblogs wonderful?

What's that? You don't believe in Loperblogs? Hmmph! How else do you explain someone like me, fully paralyzed from birth, being able to move around and talk?

Originally Written: 02-08-02
Last Updated: 02-08-02